Had a dream...a scary dream...
tt i went to bball court n no1 cares abt me except gwen..
a hint? tt im left alone...

why do thing turn out tis way...
i thk its my own prob tt created it...

late at nite...

-looking at the stars-

i guess im such a coward...

wat do i wan...

but y am i holding back...

Jasmine lee ahgu is juz a stupid timid coward..

i guess..

when will i not be one..

when will i be out of the shadow...

dun assume my thking...
ppl are different...
u noe my outside but not my inside..
how much do u understand...
it make me feel its close to zero...
tking u believe others more then me...
N if u nv realised...
im always the one tt include u in..
im always the one tt help u tok...
so if its not frenzship...
den wats more i can say..

dun say im escaping coz im not...

felt irritated felt distrubed felt pissed...
pms?? i duno juz feel tt way..

im sori mei for being so attitute...
when i shld be consoling u..

im distrubed real distrub by duno wat..
mayb coz of the work thing...
coz cant cmf..n duno juz feel its nt my day..

duno wat i wan..was thking..
thking thrg deeply aft toking to bun...
i feel myself wandering...
the fear came from within...im juz a coward...
argh~~!!! what do i reali wan?

miss my teammate suddenly..as becca tag on my blog..
miss the trg..miss the layup...when will i be able to?
duno..suddenly felt tired of things aso...

late at night feel lonely....will i?
or rather i wan silent but yet no silent...
haha wat am i toking la..i dun even understand...

sumtym i feel tt i dun understand myself..
sumtym im juz liek a little kid..
like to depend on ppl..like ppl to pamper me...
wamnting all the attention...
sumtym i feel tt i liek a adult..
having mature thking...n tt ive grow up in my thking..
so wat am i?

feeling lonely at night...
feeling sad at time...
feeling angry at times..
feeling happy at times...
hoping to share wif ppl...

but duno why sad thing always get bottled up...
haha tts me...sumtym i dun even noe th reason behind..
stupid la...
but was qte affected when ppl say bball...
haha i duno...thkign of gifing up...
but gifing up sumtym tt have been wif me for so mani yr..
tt ive built up love n passion for...its reali hard...

yet im afraid of touching it once again...
the pain is too unbearable..
wat if i have to go through the pain again *touch wood*
not oni physically but mentally...
the night mare kip huanting me..til im scared..
i dun reali look forward in gg back on court...
but yet im affected when ppl tok abt bball..
abt frenly..n ive to even take up the bball camp responsiibility...
i duno..i dun even noe if im capable of facing it...
overcome the fear again...tired...scared..
im timid a coward....

gdbye my love...
gdbye my world...
gdbye my one n only...

- please hold on n nv let go..if nt i will fall -
-i afraid of falling, tts y i choose not to face -
-i choose to let go of my love for life-

Irritated i am..
frastrated i am..
disappointed i am...
pissed off i am...

argh...tt stupid guy....i hate him...
please at least let me have a tiny winnie little respect 4 u...
save sum pride 4 urself la...
n get ur thing rty..b4 asking ppl to do..
and please be more gentlemen n let a injured person sit....

i juz left stabbing him...n no knife...
i duno wat i will do if i have a knife....

bin called me...hmm..n im reali nt pissed coz of tt reason...
act i planned to finish my last ivp wif glory...
tts y i kip on train 3 pt.... 100 balls every 2 days...
and run to train up my stamina...n bond everyone up...
wif basketball camp n eating of dinner..
and lame so no1 will feel weird..
i juz hope to finish tis ivp..tts all i ask...
last game of bball...my ivp...grant my wish...

- not onli be my leg but transform me -

be strong..
stay strong...
smile...
coz smiles bring u on...

- smile -

Everybody have different thking...
different way of showing....
u may be tis way i may nt be...
u may be making use of others.. but plz im not...
im not like tis...i nv tot of making use of others...
i treated everyone as frenz....
so plz thk b4 u tok...its not the ist tym oready...
u may be tis way but not every1 is as bad as making use of others...
at least go out i always will thk of tt person...
juz tt sum situation i cant ask tt person along...
but u tot of her when u noe she can help....
dun assume dun jump to conclusion...
if u wan to thk tis way den ok lo....

Hmm...i feel so xinfu.....
with ppl cuming my hse to pei me when im on crutches..
n i thk the activities will be mahjong...
haha even my mei n mother learn mahjong haha....
my hse left my father duno oni haha...

hope i can play bball soon...
my fren say at least 6 mth..
:( how den? my last yr ivp...
i wan my num5... i wan to play against the polys..
but will i be a burden on court again...
like last yr :(

-i cant walk will u be my the other leg -

Hmm monday work so tiring...
i aft my attachment work still gt another work...
and i work til 2am lo..den go eat haha..
aft tt he send me home lo haha so hapi haha...
go hm immediately go slp liao...
den morning wake up take cab go work wif bun haha
go work liao den aft tt go trg lo...

den go trg le no coach lo...so sad...
denw e trg ist..den do passing...
and noe wat...my teammate pass too low...
and i lost balance my knee gif way....
and i fall and shout coz reali v v v v v pain...
most painful fall lo :( n no1 dare to touch me..
den aft tt go out..n reali v pain...hai..sad....my IVP
kip on look at killiney no7 haha coz he wearing green jersey...
so hapi he agree to change wif me hahaha...

den jinhui try to carry me out..she slipped n fall...
sori ar i too fat n we gif lousy shoe...
den xiaoming carry me out..she's fit la haha...
den aft tt saw boys team de... derrick n a guy carry me out to mrt lo...
so shy la...n dey look tired haha..
reach hm le den jinhui help me ice leg lo..
den shao hua stay over..haha she help me bath..
haha wif my clothes on la haha..den she help me massage all the way haha...

den wake up le i realised i can move my leg.
.go toilet outside ony 20cm i aso sweat like 1hr trg
den in the end call ambulance lo...
i realised how gentle jinhui n my sister is haha
ist tym take ambulance lo haha..den wif my eeyore...
den aft tt put nametag n i have to wait...
i wait til i fall aslp lo..i 11 smt reach 2 smt still nt my turn..
haha den finali is my turn..my file gt mix-up lo..

den gt a jab... :( so pain... doc say ligament tore...
and gt blood clot lo muz do minor operation :(
i wenta take x-ray lo....sososo pain but lucky inside doc gentle...
aft tt the doc came liao...den go op room...
so sary la...den i still havta cheng my leg...
he gif a painkiller jab to my leg so pain..
den aft tt he try to drain my clot blood out lo...
ok lo i stil strong enuff to ta han...

den went out le..den a auntie offer me porriage
haha so ncie lo tehe porriage..thk co zi whole day nv eat liao...
haha...den aft tt take crutches n stuff can go out liao lo...
yaya!! im out of hosipital...n my company ask me go back work..
kao man...whr gt liek tis de lo..
thank ahmei, jinhui, huizhi n bird for waiting outside for so long :)..
make u all worry le huh haha...
im ok..wait for me ready for my IVP... haha

aft fri trg wenta my ahdi hse to play mahjong haha...
pro hor..haha so tiring l still can go haha...
den wenta watch chong bu zhi....so hapi....
n eunice becum my guchi.....haha...
den play wif haixin den we win 30 cent haha
den wenta slp liao lo..so tiring sososo tiring...

sat as usual wenta yew tee cc...
haha played wif dem..play til v tired...coz abit sick..
but den play til v hapi..coz i kip on shoot den went in...
actuali duwan cum liao de...coz tired..
but tell dem le den go lo...

Hmm...sunday wenta skcc to play bball...
haha like so no body dere la..
den my bball wif cherwyn..
wan shoot myself aso cannt :(
den saw my junior hon chan luckyu gt he pei me...
haha den we tok tok tok til his fren ask him go...
den im all alone again..

den aft tt a ang mo sort of ppl came haha..
den he use ball six..juz nice..
den we play half court coz peiliang dey all came aso...
haha den we kip on shoot n shoot...

den we play full court haha...
4on 4 full court lehz..me bird zhi n tt ang mo one team..
haha in the end we won :) yay! haha

den peiliang wanted to play ABC shooting..
haha den we play team de haha..me n zhi one team..
den we kip on shoot shoot til last one ..
both team kip on cannt get in lo... haha den
peiliang airball haha me n zhi so hapi la..
den we won dem barley ahha...free one lehz..
den we walk pass dem dey say wat wan reveage haha
a day finished haha....

Attachment started and im at acct depmt haha...
acct my fave lehz...
now i noe how hard it is to be at accts...

haha den day two wenta write cheque..
haha so hapi la..write cheque lehz haha
den aft work gt trg..so tired la...can die..
haha and indeed coach start liao..
we ended wif si zhe..haha its juz the starting..

den wed work til 6pm den rush hm...
bath le den go out again...
haha my three days of attachment...

:)